I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
