I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize