gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Welp...herpes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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