Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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