i jhust puked up my retainher.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
