Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize