stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
