You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
