how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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