The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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