You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
