stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
