i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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