Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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