I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
