Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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