Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
