They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
