goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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