You're completely useless in the revolution.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
