I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize