im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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