4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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