I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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