wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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