I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
