so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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