now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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