i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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