mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
