Whoa Z and x make the same sound
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
