VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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