you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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