There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
