I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
