I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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