Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
