they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
