I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
whose parrot is this?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
