I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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