My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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