He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it glows. i had to have it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
