we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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