More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
