My sheets look like a crime scene.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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