I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
