did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
