i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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