I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
