my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize