Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
