I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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