ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
