She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
