Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
