We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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