Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
