Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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