i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
