The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
