I hate your face
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i'm inner monologue high
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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