I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
