we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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