She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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