Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
