Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
