His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
