you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
