remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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