Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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