Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
