I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
