did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
