its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When are your genitals available?
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