Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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