Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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