I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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