i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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