I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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