Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
