Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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