on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
