Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I touched a dick in church today
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
