i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
