Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
