God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
