she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
