I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
