Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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