I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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