she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
