Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if only i could text you this smell
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
