I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
