I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
