Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
