chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
