just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
