I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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