Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He literally asked permission to hit on me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
