someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
