Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
