I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
