When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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