The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
