I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
