I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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