bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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