A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
