if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
