Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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