his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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