UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
